It’s happened.
As of yesterday, I am officially part of the “grown and sexy” club. Twenty five…where does the time go? I swear to God I was a college freshman last year, moving into Southgate Dorms and crying every night about how much I hated Tallahassee. All of a sudden, I wake up and I have a job, I’m getting my Masters, I take care of a living being (Mr. Fozzie Bear!) and…what’s that you say? What are other people doing?
For some reason, I had it in my head that certain things should be accomplished before I reached 25. Now it’s like, well, 30 for sure. It’s almost synonymous with making a bucket list, except it would have to be called (on your way to creating your ACTUAL) bucket list, or something clearly much more clever than that. One of my pet peeves on my journey to grown and sexy “ville” was when people older than I would say, “it’s really not a big deal.” I was not actually thinking the world would end, or it would rain blood or anything bizarre, but it’s still a big deal to me because…well, I’ve never been twenty five before. These other people I’m speaking of have all experienced it, but not I! This is the age that marketers have said is the time to start using anti-wrinkle cream, that our car insurance goes down because now we’re deemed a twinge more responsible than 24, the year more and more of our friends continue to marry off and produce little demon spawns. It’s unnerving. Truly! Yet, I’d never want to be one of them right now in a million years (no offense). Let’s dissect this a bit…
I’ve now officially turned twenty five and do not feel a lick of difference. I’m still me, I’m not wrinkled and life is just starting to get good. There’s some kind of weird stipulation (and I’m not sure whether or not any of you have felt this) about what is supposed to be accomplished by twenty five. The general checklist:
- Elementary level schooling ending in a High School Diploma (Check!)
- Undergraduate degree from a respectable…ehrm…a University (Check!)
- Settled into a city where you’re going to start your budding career (eh…ok, moving on!)
- Starting a career that is spawned by you freakishly falling into the job of your life (Ok, maybe the next one is for me?)
- Going back to college for a Graduate degree in…anything (YES! Score one for ME!)
- Married and/or in a committed relationship (Fail)
- Babies…everyone wants babies… ( Absolutely not)
Of course, not everyone thinks that. This is more along the lines of what I considered to be MY “general” brainwashing, but regardless, it all played a factor in my pre-25 “freak-out.” While I’m educated, and continuing my education through this pointless eh…I mean important and meaningful program I’m in, that’s the one off that list I can stake any claim in.
It’s depressing what some are able to do by the time they’re twenty five! I was watching a thing on Seth McFarland and do you know when he aired his first episode of Family Guy? It was picked up by FOX when he was twenty…FOUR. He’s made a multi-million dollar dream come true. I suppose this may seem whiny, right? “Well if you’re so passionate about XYZ, go be a Seth McFarland and do it! Stop flapping your gums and whining!” I just don’t know how that entire situation played out! How do you walk into FOX and just say…hey, I wrote this…check it out? Oh you love it? Sweet! YOU PAY ME NOW AND MAKE ME A STAR.
As for the marriage, relationship, babies section, this is a no brainer. To be married right now would be a huge mistake, as I have no idea where my career will take me. You know, once it gets going in six months. It would up root another person, cause issues and possibly even a resentment that I wanted to move for my job, so now you’ll need to quit yours.
Relationship? I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t completely turned off to the idea of a relationship. Its “great” trying to forge two lives together for the sake of passion and enjoyment, but we come across a fundamental problem…people are full of shit. Really, legitimately, full of it. Every time you give an inch they take a mile. While they’re running that mile, they turn around and spit in your face, trip you and kick the dust about you as they just blow on by like nothing happened. And this happens both ways! Women are in no way, shape, or form excluded from this. I just happen to be a woman, so it’s slightly more challenging for me to be sympathetic to the other side. But I DO know this…women are just as nuts as men. There. It’s out there, and we can deal with the big pink elephant in the room!
Am I saying happily ever after doesn’t exist? I’m sure it does. However, the pressure put on women our age to be settled in and happy with “the one,” is a little out of control. This road to “the one,” appears to be long and winding, full of sharp stones and shards of glass. Oh and did I mention shoes are not allowed? No, no shoes… you walk barefoot! You trust, you forgive, you wait…you walk. Men do it too, I know, but we’re just programmed differently guys (like it or not). And by the way…right when you think you stumbled upon “the one,” what I just described above will happen and life will send you right back to the beginning again. Kind of like the game “Sorry,” except they never are and you don’t really get a cool prize in the end.
The issue HERE is that no one is perfect, yet everyone seeks perfection. The flawed want those who aren’t flawed. You see 300lb dudes walking around with t-shirts that say “NO FAT CHICKS.” For real? So no…time for me, for my job and when I find someone who is truly looking to be my companion, friend, and all the fun stuff too…we’ll talk. But no more bitch assnes. That’s right…I said it. As far as babies go…well, anyone who knows me already knows my stance on this, so I’ll not waste time. Babies are not personalized accessories like specially bred tea cup dogs, or a Louie purse. I’m sick of seeing shots of newborns at the pool, on yachts, and casinos. Yikes.
It took me a few months to get used to the idea of the big 2-5 closing in on me for fear I’d not live up to my OWN expectations and those I’ve been programmed to fear. Yet, now that I’m there, I feel as though I’ve had the power all along to break the cycle. While the future freaks me out, I’m confident that I’ll enjoy the next twenty five years as much as those that have passed. I’m a twenty five year old broke, homeless (until Friday), dog loving, loan having, Master’s degree pursuing, hopeless hopeful, writer with a dream, fabulous…woman.
