Some of the other updates since the last time we’ve chatted are actually work related. I graduated with my Masters in Advertising with an emphasis in Copywriting about six months ago. Unfortunately, I graduated into a “soft market” economy. So, I was lucky enough to land a job while in school at a large corporation in Hollywood, FL. After graduating, they promoted me and I now manage all their Social Media. Although this is not exactly what my “life plan” dictated…I’m here, and at this juncture I’m just lucky to be anywhere.
Part of my job is overseeing a group of men, whom I became very fond of. I’d come to work everyday as a white, Jew from South Florida and would leave a street speaking, Jamaican woman straight off the island miiiii youuuuut. They were super entertaining, and when one of them was fired I was slightly devastated. From there, about a week later another one quit. A lot of people came to interview for the job/s but only a few stuck out to the remaining three of us…one in particular…Donny.
Now clearly his name isn’t Donny, but that became one of the nicknames he was given over the short time he spent here. When he came in for the interview, Donny appeared to be jumpy…jittery…etc. In the beginning we sort of thought, oh wow…he’s friendly.
During his interview he called over the boss and said “Come see how great I did.” When David came over, he just sort of looked at the mangled Photoshopped image of a camera. After an awkward few seconds, Donny blurts out, “Not bad for my first time, right? RIGHT?” Something about him was off.
Donny stood about 5’6,” a bit heavy and appeared very greasy and weirdly unkempt. He’d wear polo shirts and slacks and could still appear that way. His hair was bowl cut, and he wore thin rimmed glasses. When up close while training him, you could see that he bit his nails down to nubs and then bit the skin. But the thing that I saw over anything else was the all black sneakers. They made me think of the non slip shoes I wore while working at The Olive Garden. All of this doesn’t matter; I just want to paint you a picture.
In the beginning we thought he was just overly excited and happy to be working, which is totally understandable (again…economy blows). It turns out…we were wrong. The day we found out that Donny would be working with us, we were pretty shocked. He didn’t know Photoshop (which we use all day long) and he just seemed a bit touched. “I think he’s just a real gung ho type of guy,” David said. The thing is, regardless of what David thought of Donny…he wouldn’t have to really interact with him. I knew it’d be me sitting and training him and was not entirely sure what to be prepared for. The last guy I trained, Ernesto, was a dream. Smart, picked things up quickly and was just really here to learn how to do his job successfully.
Donny, Day #1
In early, around 8am and touching EVERYTHING. “Oh wow, you guys keep your own coffee in here, huh? Is it for everyone? Can I have some?” “Yeah go for it,” I reply. “Oh wow, a fridge. I’m going to buy some fancy creamer to stick in there and keep it there for the times when I want to have coffee here.”
“Come on over Donny, why don’t you watch what I’m doing, take some notes and then I’ll have you practice, ok? Any questions just stop me.”
Those were the words that buried me. Anything I did, he knew how to do it better. Anything I recommended he do within our SmartSKU system…I’d get an “OH RIGHT. I know that.”
“Let’s do some Photoshop. You know what you’re doing in there, right? Has David shown you anything also?”
“No I already told David I have no experience in Photoshop. But I’m not worried. I’m a fast learner…plus, we barely use Photoshop anyway.”
“If by barely you mean all day, everyday…then yes…barely.”
“Well whatever. David knows. HEH, I’m not worried.” I spent a solid 8.5 hours with Donny that day, with no break. My breaks consisted of showing him where the smoking area was, the restroom and then telling him (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD) to go on break.
I told the other guys that he claims he’s picking it up; he’s arrogant and barely taking notes and has been arguing with me and being fidgety all day. They tell me not to worry about it, that tomorrow we’ll see just what he’s retained (he’s a self proclaimed super genius).
Donny, Day #2
I was a bit late that morning and came in to work to find Donny sitting in my chair. After asking him to move, he pulls a chair up so close I can smell his morning cigarette. He was relatively “friendly” so many people in the company knew of him. Let me explain, in the small headquarters I work at…if people know your name so quickly it’s rarely a good thing.
“What’s up with Obla-di?” someone asks.
“Obla-di?” I reply.
“The new dude. Looks like Corky…the retarded guy from that show.”
“I think it’s before my time,” I reply.
Everyone he spoke to he irritated. The graphic artists, the buyers, and our own boss. By the end of day 2, I had passed him off to Ernesto for at least a brief hour so I didn’t go Mel Gibson on everyone.
To indicate how irritating people found him, let me tell you these things that he did and what happened within that first week:
· We have Marlins poker chips in our office, and each of us had taken out a serious bet on what day he was going to get fired. Losers had to buy winner/s breakfast.
· He made this sound when he wasn’t retaining something, i.e. staring a computer screen and would twist his head sideways like a dog and go… “HEH?” But it was whiny, high pitched and made our skin crawl.
· On that Thursday he tried to get sassy with me, and the guys had been relatively inactive in coming to my aid. Finally, Alex had enough and started yelling at him… “You better not talk to her like that. She knows what she’s doing man, you NEED to be listening.” Ernesto chimed in with, “Yeah she’s the Master. She taught me, let her teach you.” For whatever reason it was always a who has a bigger who-ha…and let me tell you…mine is huge.
That Friday I received my promotion and moved back to my old desk that is clear across the room from the guys. I told them NOT to send Donny my way, punishable by death. I even had David, our big boss tell him the same thing AND…I EVEN said… “The guys know what they’re doing, so if you need something, feel free and they’ll help.”
I thought moving across the room would make it better, but his second week here was worse than the first. He hadn’t learned hardly anything, was making a ton of mistakes and creating triple work for all involved. On top of that, after I moved, he came over to me MORE. He had a habit of putting his hand on the back of my chair and leaning his boobs on my back. More than twice I had to ask him to back off. The guys started sending him over on purpose, and the second he’d hit my desk they would crack up. Ernesto would say, “Momma bear, your baby bear needs you,” etc.
The last weird habit he showcased the second week was listening to death metal at obscene volumes and ONLY singing along when the word die, death, or dead came along. He was the type of person you keep close, because you could tell he was one taco short of a combination.
As the guys generally hated him as well, they took every opportunity to mess with him. Despite being told explicitly to NOT do something that is very damaging to our SmartSKU system, he opened a new SKU without any information or image. The buyer for TV’s came in and tore him a new one, publicly…it was very embarrassing and I actually felt bad for him at that moment. From there, our system breaks pretty constantly, but he didn’t know that. Shortly after the debacle with the buyer, his system stopped working.
Uhm…guys…my system…it’s not working.”
“Uh oh” Ernesto said.
“What do you mean uh-oh??” Donny replied.
“Well usually, right before they fire you…they shut down your system,” Alex chimed in.
“What? They do? But…oh God…OH GOD…I’m being fired? I’m sorry, I know I’ve been a pain in the ass but it was one mistake! Holy shit!”
“Yeah and when you get fired though, it’s really nice…they have two strippers come escort you out of the building,” Alex replied.
“Wha…NO. No you guys are messing with me!”
“No not at all,” Ernesto vouched.
They did this to him for about 20 minutes until he was sweating and damn near tears. I took vacation that next Friday and while I was gone, the guys texted me to tell me Baby Bear had been fired, which didn’t come as a great shock. While I did feel a little badly for the guy, his arrogance stopped me from feeling full on sorry for him. I just hope I’m never as hated, as Donny,AKA Baby Bear, AKA Obla-di, is still being talked about over a month and a half later! Yikes!
